She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
