you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
