This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
