Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just gargled with NyQuil
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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