I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
