somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
