He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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