dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
