Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
