Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
