words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
