sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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