I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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