I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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