My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
