Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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