Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
