So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
