a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
