I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
