Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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