So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
