So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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