I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
