And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
