Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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