wat bout pragnant strippers??
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
