similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
