I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
