does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I enjoy the company of your penis
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
