so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
