you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
