3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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