How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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