We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my shit smells like andre
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
