my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
