using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
