I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
they need to just BURY HIM!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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