I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
