I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
