He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
