I think my vagina is haunted
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
