he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
