you would pick up someone in the library
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
