Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
