its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
