I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
