I'm gonna have a badass scar
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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