News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
