you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
