Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
