she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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