I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
