woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
