the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Floor bacon is actually really good
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
