You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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