Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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