Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
