My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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