Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
