If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
